MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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