i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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