just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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