u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
