that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize