im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
