he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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