shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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