i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
