i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
