True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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