i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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