Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dear god my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
