dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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