In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
