I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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