glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
