I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
