He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
