it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
