i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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