a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
