i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
