I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i believe in u and ur pee
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
