Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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