I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize