sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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