before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
