I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
