how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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