At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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