I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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