sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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