when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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