Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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