I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
