She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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