I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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