Say something about gay babies.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
