somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
