He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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