My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
