She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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