Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize