clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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