You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
