you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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