GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
