Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
