why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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