he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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