Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
