Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize