I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
