I hate all girls vehemently.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
