god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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