my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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