I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
