ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
