update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
