we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
