so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
