did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
