Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
