just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
