You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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