Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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