dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
